Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before

Have you ever tried to put heart wrenching pain into words? To bring in some sort of logical flow or pattern into those words? I used to do that a lot and I still do it sometimes. In the past, I always wrote down those words and tore it apart..Pour down my unstructured emotions into a paper, tore it apart and blew it in the wind.. Frank and bold I might be misunderstood, but I am never frank enough to show what I feel or bold enough to admit how I feel.. And almost all the time, it is this heart wrenching pain..
Happiness doesn’t want an expression. It is so light that you don’t mind keeping in your heart even if your heart is overflowing with it. But sorrow cannot be so treated.. It fills your heart with its heaviness.. And your heart slowly starts drowning…
It’s the same now.. Its wretchedness all over… it cannot be altered.. There is nothing or no one causing this pain.. But all the same there is a reason for it.. A reason that cannot be altered.. I sometimes wonder, why do I keep committing the same mistakes over and over again. Is it because I am in love with that mistakes or the pain it creates.. Could be both.. There is an element of pleasure in this pain as well.. I am reluctant to let go of this pain.. This pain gone means I am gone numb.. I would be unfeeling then. I would rather be a feeling person and suffer the pain it causes rather than be immune to both.. I will miss the pleasure in the pain if they are gone.. I won’t be myself again then.. I will be someone else just wearing my robe..

1 comment:

  1. Happiness doesnt want an expression!!!!!!!- I dont agree with that,coz when you are happy havent you experienced the energy levels rising??? suddenly you face glows body reacts?Thus we expresses our happiness or rather our body expressess it
    I too have of late tried to put my pain in words.Belive me !!!!! when you write it down it flows out of your body.All the pain i had in my mind vanished .It works

    Pain is there everywhere.The time when a child comes out of mother 's womb, mother suffers thepain.When the child is pinched lightly by the nurse to test whether it cries , the child suffers pain. For a child, his/her pain starts from there. For a mother , the pain doesnt stop but it continues because the pain that shehas to bear to bring up

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