The million stars in the sky really are…

When I looked into your eyes

I had a heart full of things to say.

Instead,  I wrote them down on a piece of paper

And then tore it up into a million pieces.

When I sent them flying into the air

They went up high with flying wings.

Now when I gaze at the million stars

Under the crystal moon,

I see all that I left unsaid.

Anticipation

On your wings, I shall soar to the distant land of the setting sun

And there I will walk with a bounce on my feet, a little swing to my hips

While the slanting rays makes a crimson sky from my facial blush

I know soon I might drop to the ground with a muffled thud

But still I will dance, I will bounce and swing

For it is worth the thud.. and the fall- almost always

Away from Everything..At No Man's Land!

A short break from everything. Not just from work, but from the normal way of life itself. From TV and all kinds of electronic equipment for entertainment, from Facebook, LI, and other myriad ways of staying connected including mobile phones. 

I never imagined living for a few days without mobile phones and electricity, but that’s what I did when Tony and I went for a short break to Gokarna to ring in our first wedding anniversary.

Gokarna is a beach town in northern Karnataka. I have heard a colloquial usage, in Malayalam, of the word Gokarna to imply a no man’s land. Though a popular pilgrimage destination for Hindus, for the tourist without a spiritual objective, it is indeed a no man’s land or rather a land without the modern, commercialized conveniences.

Apart from the holy beach of Gokarna, there are 4 more beaches in Gokarna. Aum, Kudlu, Half Moon and Full Moon aka Paradise beach.  While Aum beach remains the most happening beach resembling the night life of yester year Goa, other beaches are very secluded and non-happening for the ones who like the quiet and solitude. The Half Moon beach and Paradise beaches are not even accessible by road. A long trek up and down a hill awaits the sporty and outdoor loving folks; others have the option to reach there using speed boats.

Our objective was to get to the most secluded beach and hence we started a trek to Paradise beach from Kudlu. After leading the broiler hen life for so long, it was not an easy trek and I almost lost my breath by the time we reached Paradise. The accommodation facilities here are shacks made out of dried coconut leaves and mud polished floors. Just the basics! As much as the beach was secluded, we were surprised to note that there were no available shacks. A group of the new age hippies had come the day before and occupied the entire facilities in the beach. No wonder this beach is known as the hippie’s paradise. Unable to make another trek with the heavy back packs under the hot sun, we hired a speed boat to reach the half-moon beach. May be because of the weaker positioning as a secluded beach compared to Paradise, ironically, Half Moon was the most secluded beach of all, with a handful of shacks thrown in here and there. We talked to the shack operators and gladly occupied a simple shack with a rent of Rs. 100 per day- just a roof on the shoulders.

As much as the idea of doing nothing, except swimming in the sea, sun bathing and lazing around in the shades for a few days, was appealing; the food available there ( rice and dhal, cold beers) was not enough for us. So we decided to take a trek in the evening to Aum Beach to have a dinner of fresh sea food along with a couple of beers. The restaurant in Aum beach, where we ate a continental breakfast before trekking up to Paradise, was beckoning. I still can’t seem to forget the pomfret, grilled prawns and king fish we had from there any time in the coming few decades. To top it off, there was a lovely performance of fire dancing by a group of daring foreigners at Aum Beach.

This was pretty much the schedule for the next couple of days. A trek up and down a hill from Half Moon beach to Aum in the mornings for a continental breakfast, same pilgrimage repeated in the evenings for a mouth- watering dinner of sea food dishes. The time in between filled with swims in the sea and sun bathed naps along with cold beers of course!

A few days of doing nothing, staying away from the rat races, and staying away from the social oxygen. Woah…so much for being a Millennial!!

What Was and What Could Be!

 I was randomly looking at my blog rolls. Read the posts that some of my friends had written in the recent times.

I really admire them for keeping it going still, for keeping it alive. It should be the passion for writing or the passion for expressing themselves. I don’t think anything else could have kept them going.

The irony is I used to be a passionate one myself. People used to call me a passionate girl. But I think my problem is being passionate about this and that… I have not really stuck to or stuck up for anything.  I guess there is nothing that I have not tried. But I have not stuck to anything.

While growing up, I have gone for dance classes, musical instruments like piano, and guitar, karate, volleyball but never finished anything. That is when I discovered writing, I found joy in it, and it kept me grounded. But the point, as always is, I don’t stick to anything. Once I left school, I hardly wrote anything till around post- graduation. Then, writing became a necessary skill upgrade that I had to do and which I was good at.

Then I started blogging when I was living in Hyderabad. I don’t know if it is Hyderabad or if it was that particular phase of life that I was in; I did it and enjoyed doing it. That was more than 3 years ago.

Many things have changed since then. I moved to Bangalore, changed my team, got married, changed team and profile again, changed job, all in that order. And another obvious change is I have not really penned down anything here. Well, I would have a couple of lines, but nothing worthwhile… nothing me..

It is not that I don’t have the words, I have them in plenty. But feels like, I have ran out of ideas. Is it the change of air from Hyderabad to Bangalore? Well, it shouldn’t be, that is just geography. It can’t be getting married or changing jobs either. Especially, when I have got a husband who supports and encourages what I love doing in my life and when my professional life revolves around content, communication and the new media platforms.

I think it is just the genetic wiring of not sticking with things in life and always regretting the part that I don’t stick.

This is not a New Year resolution, we are already in February. After all, that is just a change of calendar.

But today, I am promising something to myself, I am taking up a challenge. For the next 25 days, I will pen down something here. A writer’s block is too long to last for three years. I can’t wait it to get over or wait for the perfect ‘come back’ post any more. Even if it is absurd rants or raves or private emotions that are better kept under wraps, I do not care. I am not going to pick up cues and prompts either. Even if absurd, it is going to be my ideas and my way of expressing them.

For once, I am going to take up a challenge to myself, stick to it. I am going to be me again.

Why does a child laugh when you throw it in the air and catch him??

I have come across this analogy a million times.

Why does a child laugh out with delight when you throw it in the air? The answer has always been this—Faith or belief in the person who throws it in the air. The child has complete faith entrusted on this adult that he or she will catch him and not let him fall.

Never did this analogy raise any kind of curiosity or doubt in me..untill yesterday.. Yesterday, I heard it again. I had been in the church for the usual Sunday mass. On account of walking from home to church, I was a little late and reached the church only after the Bible reading. It was time for the preaching and this was one of his stories of the day.

Then I started wondering.. Is it really due to the strong faith in the adult who throws him up in the air, that the child doesn’t cry, but laughs out with delight? Or is it because of ignorance? Ignorance of the fact that if he is not caught in time, he will fall down? Ignorance of the fact that if he falls down, it will hurt bad?? Ignorance of the feeling of hurt or pain in itself?

The child is just not conditioned yet that a fall from such a height could lead to pain. Until you know it, you are fearless. Ignorance makes you fearless. If the child had an experience of falling from a height and getting hurt in the process, I don’t think he or she would ever laugh out loud again when they are thrown in the air to be caught…

On Marlowe's poem!

Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?Asked Marlowe; I did, said I for I agree
It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fateAnd what if fate decides for our love to bloom
Like a morning flower with the first rays of the sun
Than like a thunderbolt that strikes in a jiffy

My sight was not chosen by love nor love by sight
But directed by overruling fate with all its might
I have been asked to love you..
Nd I love you with all will in me..

Moments!!!

Glaring light..searing heat..dusty roads..parched pathways

Weary.. wooly vision.. unsteady steps.. dazed memories..

Flow of water.. energizing..cleansing.. filling the pores

Overflowing.. pulling.. taking vengeance..

Bone chilling cold.. freezing..powerful.. magnetic..

Struggling.. throwing weight.. not letting go..

Unable..helpless.. losing strength..gasping..

Choked throats.. desire to live..but weight in the soul..

Unable to let go..clear vision for a moment..

Images flashing..memories returning..lips twisting to smile

Flash of light..painless.. rest.. Oblivion..darkness..

Peace..Peace..Eternal peace …

Reflections

Long time ago, I guess it is for the school magazine, I wrote a passage on aspiration and contentment-that they are two conflicting values. I don't even remember my take on the topic at that time and am not at all sure if it will align with the thoughts of this post. Well, life has changed quite a lot since then. If at that point of time, the inspiration behind the writing was something I read or my own novice ideologies, this time it is experiences in life since then and reflections on them thereafter. Well, you don’t grow up/old for nothing!!

So, is it aspiration or contentment that one should go for? Well, no one can live with just one of those; life would be awfully boring then. It has been and always is a balance that will keep you going and keep you happy, but one's key rests in finding that delicate, fine balance. But at this point of time, if you ask me-is it up to an individual to find his key and unlock the lock, I would say well, it’s written!! It’s written in your destiny!! Can you believe it?! I am one of those people who read the book the alchemist and said that the fundas in that are too much of a fantasy to be applied in real life.

But now, I think I stand corrected myself because I feel the fundas were always right and down to earth, only the application of the funda in the life of a shepherd who was destined to find treasure is fantasy. And what we adapt to our lives is not the fantasy element, but the funda element. And the funda I can relate to most in my life now is the connection between events, people, time etc. It’s all connected. What ever happened in your life in the past is connected to some event that is in the present or in the future. You don't see the connection unless it starts getting a little obvious and you decide to stand back like a third party observer and observe all the events that happened so far in your life and care to find the links.

I had always thought that the 3 years of my college life was over and done with if not for some fond memories and the learning’s. But now I feel, it keeps coming back through the connections it has to my present. What was so relevant then and proved to be futile later happened for a reason and what was irrelevant has become important. And the reason I mentioned is nothing but to facilitate the transition from irrelevance to relevance. It all makes sense!! And now, I think I will find my right key for my lock where the balance between aspiration and contentment lies.

The Brand called India!!

Slumdog Millionaire : A very recent movie that caught the attention of the film audience in India and International. Says the story of a love struck youngster who participates in a reality show because of the probability that his lover might be watching it. And the movie element- he wins the show!

The White Tiger: A very recent novel written by an Indian author about a person born in the rural India making it to be an entrepreneur.

Two recent items in news-one is a novel and another is a movie based on an Indian novel. What is common between both? There are two common factors:

First: Both have been critically acclaimed and won prestigious awards. While the author of The White Tiger , Aravind Adiga won the Man Booker Prize, The Slumdog Millionaire won has won five Critics' Choice Awards, four Golden Globes (including Best Drama Film), and seven BAFTA Awards (including Best Film). The film has also been nominated for ten Academy Awards

Second: The crux or the background of both the works remain the same- an India which is known and familiar to the world. An India which is poverty struck with large population living in slums and underdeveloped rural areas getting exploited by the powerful. Beggary, Communalism and Poverty being the backdrop of all images that is being created about the country.

Why does it sell big? Why does such portrayal of India become so successful, acknowledged and acclaimed in the West??!! Let’s face it, the world like India that way. The image of the emerging super power or the Corporate India does not sell!! It’s like an overnight transition of the brand image. The brand called India sells when it is associated with slums, beggary and poverty rather than with corporate tycoons or the nuclear weapons.

I am not getting in to the controversial topic if India is really so, the accurate depiction of reality or stark contrast. This is been discussed and is quite a repetitive one. But I would like to pose more impartial questions purely from a marketing perspective- Why is that this brand image of India as a third world country still sell so big when our nation builders are making huge efforts to re brand India as the glamorous, young superpower/ Corporate India??!! Is it a marketing failure? A case of unsuccessful re positioning or is it just that the cost and effort incurred in re positioning the brand will take much more time to produce results than envisaged by this brand builders??

Questions are open!! Suggestions, Opinions and Hot debates are welcome!!!

Memorable lines

He had already understood that he would never leave that room, for it was already foreseen that the city of mirrors (or mirages) would be wiped out by the wind and exiled from the memory of men at the precise moment when Aureliano Babilonia would finish deciphering the parchments, and that everything written on them was unrepeatable since time immemorial and forever more, because races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth.(The concluding statement in the nobel prize winner-One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garzia Marqez)

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine(Casablanca / 1942)

Dear, dear!!! how queer everything is today!! I wonder if i have been changed in the night!!- Alice thought when she emerged in the new world after passing through the rabbit hole. (I have not yet passed through the rabbit hole..But the feelings are mutual)

I don't have an alcohol problem..What I have is a low alcohol tolerence problem. Aysha says to Karan when he finds her all sloshed out(From the book 'Almost Single'. She spoke my words!!!!)

So no one told you life was going to be this way. Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA. It's like you're always stuck in second gear, Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.(Friends title song- how can things in my life be explained better??!!!!)

Scene 2: The shores and the eternal wait of the waves

The balmy sea stretched itself until the shore. The slow waves reached out constantly and pecked the cheeks of the shore. For a very long time, the waves were thus trying to allure the shore. It kept pecking the shore, slowly trying to make the shore turn its head and accept the waves into a sweet, passionate kiss. The waves kept coming back only for that.
But the shores were in a deep prolonged slumber. For the shores, the waves were like a cradle; slowly rocking it to sleep and keeping it in the sleep. It felt like a grown up hand holding, consoling and caring for the shore. It kept on enjoying the slumber.. Never bothering to wake up..never caring to grow up..

Scene 1- The little ones and the tragic death of the young weed

There was a garden in the front yard. A garden that had grown by itself. In the garden, the flowers bloomed in the evening, when the sun rays hit the ground from a slanting position with much of it caught on the green surfaces of leaves. We called it the 4 o’clock flower. There were a few named after the moment when the clock struck 150 degree too. There were all sorts of colors in them. The only identity that one had from the other was its color. Purple was the pleasant one. Yellow was really happy and remained bright all the time. The magenta and white lived side by side too. And one day, among this family of colors grew a weed. Its birth was neither intentional nor welcomed. The weed was an intruder to their private and almost blissful existence. They hated the weed. But they couldn’t do anything about it. All they could do was to stand impassive and see it grow. Then one day, the little girl saw the weed. This was the girl who used to look at the flowers every evening with ardent admiration. She used to touch them, pluck them and at times, just smell them. She had very gentle hands with long fingers. Yet, the flowers were even more delicate. Even if it was a gentle touch, her touch always left them scarred- scarred for life. On occasions when she plucked them, they were delighted to embark on the adventurous journey with her, to roam around with her; but their subtle delicacy would always lead them to certain death within no time. Neither the gentle hands n nor her affectionate glance would help them survive. But for the little ones, it was a trade off. They could look forward to a silent death sometime in the night or a shorter life with excitement.

This time, the girl saw the weed amongst the purples and the yellows and the whites. Her look told the little ones that she was not very happy with it either. They saw the hesitation last only a moment. The gentle hands were stretched determinedly, tightened around the neck of the weed and pulled back with a jerk. It was uprooted. The weed is gone. The little ones were contended at the quick end of their nuisance.

A few meters ahead, almost outside the small garden space, was another weed growing. No one had yet noticed it. As long as a weed did not disturb the visual treat the little ones provided through their colors, no one would bother about the weed. And this one was lucky. It grew older in time and finally one day- it bloomed. The weed flowered too- with a rich orange and red color. And it bloomed in plenty; one could only see the orange and red flowers. No one could see the dusty old weed leaves under it. Soon one day, our little ones saw it too. They were slowly nodding heads with the rhythm of the wind. Their eyes were wandering aimlessly. And then they saw it too.. Another one of the same weed clan whom they detested so badly has flowered and colored.

Only this is so much that I know, but I am tempted to form the opinion that the little ones would have regretted the demise of the former weed. If the former weed was not killed, even that would have been a flowering plant right in their midst adding richness to their already colorful assortment.

P.S: There might or might not be Scene2, Scene 3 etc to follow

The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before

Have you ever tried to put heart wrenching pain into words? To bring in some sort of logical flow or pattern into those words? I used to do that a lot and I still do it sometimes. In the past, I always wrote down those words and tore it apart..Pour down my unstructured emotions into a paper, tore it apart and blew it in the wind.. Frank and bold I might be misunderstood, but I am never frank enough to show what I feel or bold enough to admit how I feel.. And almost all the time, it is this heart wrenching pain..
Happiness doesn’t want an expression. It is so light that you don’t mind keeping in your heart even if your heart is overflowing with it. But sorrow cannot be so treated.. It fills your heart with its heaviness.. And your heart slowly starts drowning…
It’s the same now.. Its wretchedness all over… it cannot be altered.. There is nothing or no one causing this pain.. But all the same there is a reason for it.. A reason that cannot be altered.. I sometimes wonder, why do I keep committing the same mistakes over and over again. Is it because I am in love with that mistakes or the pain it creates.. Could be both.. There is an element of pleasure in this pain as well.. I am reluctant to let go of this pain.. This pain gone means I am gone numb.. I would be unfeeling then. I would rather be a feeling person and suffer the pain it causes rather than be immune to both.. I will miss the pleasure in the pain if they are gone.. I won’t be myself again then.. I will be someone else just wearing my robe..

Peace and goodwill to the mankind on earth

Glory to God in the highest
Peace and goodwill to the mankind on earth!

This was the message that the angels sang when the baby was born in the manger 2000 plus years ago. It is a time of joy, cheer, goodwill, peace, charity, sharing and love. For the faithful, this is the anniversary of that day when god kept his promise to save the mankind by giving us the savior. This is the birthday of the noblest man ever who walked the face of earth. Over thousands of years, Christmas has been celebrated with this spirit.
If this season of Christmas brings in such a state of mind where people share peace and goodwill, this is the time we need it most. And what we need is Christmas-as a state of mind and not Christmas-as a holiday season. Right now, the joy of Christmas season is over shadowed by hatred and fear. There is no peace in the community or in the mind of people. There remains uncertainty because of terrorism and social unrest. People live in the fear of bomb blasts and gun shots. In one part of the country, when unrest occurs due to terrorism, in another part it is domestic violence.
I am not preparing for Christmas celebrations by observing lent. Neither do I have a Christmas tree or a crib nor a star lit at my home. I am not buying any Christmas gifts. At this Christmas, all I wish is this “Peace and goodwill to the mankind on earth!!!!!!”